The first notable thing about Jay was his hair: shockingly blonde and spiky. The second: He was late to class on day one, strolling in during introductions. The only open seat was next to me, so he took it. His very presence shifted the air from stale to charged.
She // is busy // picking up // pouring out // meeting // needs.
“Jack got in a fight at school today,” she reports, pushing an accident slip toward me. I take the slip and crouch down to examine a fingernail-shaped scratch on my son’s head. “Poor buddy,” I say, pulling him into a hug. I look up and ask, “What happened?” “He and another boy wanted the same … Continue reading A mother’s worry
Two years ago, I gave birth to you, little one. You burst into our lives in the most dramatic fashion and left us breathless, in awe of your tenacity. Two years of singing lullabies, tickling your belly, making you pancakes. Two years of pediatrician visits, sleep deprivation, gnawing worry. Two years of surrender. Two years … Continue reading Two
I open the door and see him dead center in a sea of toddlers, tears streaming down his tiny, flushed face. “Mommy!” he sobs. “Oh poor buddy,” I say, rushing forward, folding him in my arms. His teacher tried to reach me earlier, but I missed her calls. That Tuesday, while I sat in meetings, … Continue reading Looks like surrender, feels like home
And you have a person in your life whose hand you like to hold? “Yes, I do.” It must surely, then, be very happy down there in your heart “Yes,” I said. “It is.” —Mary Oliver My husband Jay and I celebrate our sixth wedding anniversary on October 13. If … Continue reading To have and to hold
About a month ago in August, after a three-day work trip to Boston, I stopped breastfeeding my son. He was 17 months old, and my husband and I thought this trip was a good opportunity to wean him. Prior to the trip, he comfort nursed twice a day, in the mornings and evenings. I dropped … Continue reading How I coped with weaning my son
When the ones you love the hardest are suffering and you’re unable to stop it, it’s isolating and terrifying. The pain is sharp and heavy, almost unbearable. I felt like that yesterday. But God showed up for me in a gifted bag of donuts from a new Cambodian friend; in holy conversation with an old … Continue reading Loved, not abandoned
For so many—myself included—Mother’s Day is complicated. The day I became a mother was ... complicated. After hours of labor and an emergency C-section, I almost lost my son. He wasn’t breathing when the doctor delivered him. I kept waiting to hear his cries, but all I heard was silence. Then nurses calling for backup. … Continue reading The boy who lived
Jack, today is your first birthday. One year ago your daddy and I were on our way to Lutheran General Hospital so I could give birth to you. (You were in my tummy, but you decided it was time to come out!) At 8:05 p.m., when you finally took your first breath, we cried tears … Continue reading The wonder of one