Why do cicadas hum? / Why do chickadees whistle? / Why do coyotes cock their heads and howl / in the vast darkness?
She used to race, Nikes flashing across worn asphalt, Lakefront wind slicing against her, heart pounding, flying free.She swam, limbs threading Lake Michigan's rough, cool waters, gulping air, rocketing herself forward, weightless. Back then, she measured her worth with numbers: pounds, pace, calories. Afraid of everything and nothing. She once saved two men from drowning.Nearly … Continue reading My body, a wonder
The first notable thing about Jay was his hair: shockingly blonde and spiky. The second: He was late to class on day one, strolling in during introductions. The only open seat was next to me, so he took it. His very presence shifted the air from stale to charged.
She // is busy // picking up // pouring out // meeting // needs.
“Jack got in a fight at school today,” she reports, pushing an accident slip toward me. I take the slip and crouch down to examine a fingernail-shaped scratch on my son’s head. “Poor buddy,” I say, pulling him into a hug. I look up and ask, “What happened?” “He and another boy wanted the same … Continue reading A mother’s worry
Two years ago, I gave birth to you, little one. You burst into our lives in the most dramatic fashion and left us breathless, in awe of your tenacity. Two years of singing lullabies, tickling your belly, making you pancakes. Two years of pediatrician visits, sleep deprivation, gnawing worry. Two years of surrender. Two years … Continue reading Two
I open the door and see him dead center in a sea of toddlers, tears streaming down his tiny, flushed face. “Mommy!” he sobs. “Oh poor buddy,” I say, rushing forward, folding him in my arms. His teacher tried to reach me earlier, but I missed her calls. That Tuesday, while I sat in meetings, … Continue reading Looks like surrender, feels like home
And you have a person in your life whose hand you like to hold? “Yes, I do.” It must surely, then, be very happy down there in your heart “Yes,” I said. “It is.” —Mary Oliver My husband Jay and I celebrate our sixth wedding anniversary on October 13. If … Continue reading To have and to hold
About a month ago in August, after a three-day work trip to Boston, I stopped breastfeeding my son. He was 17 months old, and my husband and I thought this trip was a good opportunity to wean him. Prior to the trip, he comfort nursed twice a day, in the mornings and evenings. I dropped … Continue reading How I coped with weaning my son
When the ones you love the hardest are suffering and you’re unable to stop it, it’s isolating and terrifying. The pain is sharp and heavy, almost unbearable. I felt like that yesterday. But God showed up for me in a gifted bag of donuts from a new Cambodian friend; in holy conversation with an old … Continue reading Loved, not abandoned