It’s my birthday. As I write, I am wondering what wisdom I have to share after 35 revolutions 'round the sun. Probably something about motherhood or paying attention. Or how to listen, how to make peace with your body, how to spot a seed of faith in a field of doubt. Those are essays I’ll write someday,
faith
Joy at the water
"I just feel... trapped." I sigh this into my phone for what must be the 200th time in 2020. My therapist’s on the other line, likely sighing alongside me. She asks what’s trapping me. It isn't one thing, rather, it's everything...
How to survive a pandemic without losing it
The lightning bugs are gone. They’ve been replaced by the cicadas — blaring their calls of chicka-chicka, chicka-chicka, zaazz, zaazz. There are legions of cicadas, I suspect, hiding in the evergreens that overlook our backyard and in old oaks that line our neighborhood, aptly named Forest Glen. Some other writer might romanticize their singing, but … Continue reading How to survive a pandemic without losing it
Contagion
Your hands are raw from multiple washings. In the span of three days, your inbox was flooded with warnings: “School Health Update”; “Office Closure”; “Parenting in the time of Coronavirus”; “Coronavirus in preschoolers: Symptoms and what you need to know.” This is the one that scared you: “Coronavirus updates: More lockdowns are starting.” The St. … Continue reading Contagion
Portrait of one mother
She // is busy // picking up // pouring out // meeting // needs.
Faith and doubt
I stand at the edge of the river, gazing out at the horizon. Azure sky and mountains and wind and sunlight surround me, threaten to engulf me. Alone on a bridge in central Washington, I listen. Rapids rush beneath me. A smattering of leaves flutter down from a distant tree. I wonder what it’s like … Continue reading Faith and doubt
Banana bread, gun violence and facing the daylight
He just wanted banana bread. Eager to please and to get us out of the house, I obliged. We sat side by side in a bustling Starbucks, stealing a moment together before work and school. My son slurped apple juice and nibbled at his bread. I sipped my coffee, barely tasting it. Eyes glued to … Continue reading Banana bread, gun violence and facing the daylight
What defines us
This is your Monday reminder that you are not defined by your number of followers. You are not defined by a number on a scale. You are not defined by a number in your bank account. You are not defined by the number of checks on your to-do list. The sum of these numbers is … Continue reading What defines us
A prayer for Easter
One of my favorite Bible stories is that of Mary Magdalene at the empty tomb. Her grief still fresh and sharp, a visit to Jesus’ burial site promises a private space to mourn. Yet when Mary arrives, the stone has been rolled away. The perfume still lingers, but the grave is empty, save for a … Continue reading A prayer for Easter
Spring is coming
I’m halfway through Ross Gay’s essay collection, The Book of Delights, which has enlightened my gratitude practice. My practice, which I call “evening pages,” is a spin on creative guru Julia Cameron’s morning pages—three long-hand pages on any topic you want, done first thing in the morning. Instead of every morning, I do this at … Continue reading Spring is coming
